i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The adults are the big ones right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
