you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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