it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
