so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
