i wish my penis had a tongue
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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