I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
