why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
