His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
