you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
