Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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