I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
