You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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