I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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