left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My life is pants optional.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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