It's Friday. Sex?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're like the curious george of whores
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
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All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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