Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
