That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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