he puts the penis in happiness.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
