Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
