It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
