WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And then he peed in my hair
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