everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The power of my boobs compel you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
