OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
