I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize
