the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
