So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
