I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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