You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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