The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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