she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
