He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
