Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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