So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize