Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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