I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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