that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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