It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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