May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
