i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
