It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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