Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
