I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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