Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
