I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
