I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
