So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
