Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
