That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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