paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
