I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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