Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
