I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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