the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.