you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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