We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just want to make out with him forever
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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