yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
