she looked like the before picture.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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