Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
