Plan B is the new Plan A
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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