chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
