Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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