Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i out mim tonsoeep
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
