Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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