I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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